departed.

so here i am at the singapore changi airport. waiting to board the plane to bali where the rest of the family awaits. and then it was last night, where i bid my farewells in melbourne, on handwritten cards to the people close to me. and there you are, at the gate as i kiss you both goodbye. and now i am alone, been standing for the past hour logging in and out of the internet that only allows 15mins access at once. i want to sit down. i stepped out only to have difficulty breathing in the thick, humid air and to think i fell and scrapped my knees as i was about to board the cab. do you really not like  me here i wonder. yes i know how dramatic but allow me cos i only returned to strangers at the arrival hall and to an empty house. not even the cat was there to greet hello. no im not bitter because i know they are there waiting for me somewhere else. sneaky billies.

dilah left a comment asking me to write my last entry before i leave melbourne for good. such a farewell entry, one that will move those who even bother to read my blog to tears. and i think, and think, and think. not a million words i can find to express excatly how i feel. but i do know how it feels like to be sad, departing and i dont want you to feel that way because i know how depressing that feels. trust me.

so instead of it all, let’s just cheers (carlton cold please), to the 2 years spent in melbourne and may we maintan the amazing bonds we’ve created and keep the memories close to our hearts. i will return but for now, you, you and you will be greatly missed.

and i am not letting you go easy.

cos ive got the feeling!

and that night was a good night hey?

scala me tonight.

so im chillin in the cousin’s awesomely cool apartment, in the bedroom, keeping myself warm, drinking the oj and joss stone playing through his speakers, lullabying me into the cool rainy night. and by cool, i mean the apartment overlooking the f1 tracks that kinda cool. so yes, it is cool. awesomely, if there even such a word.

yes im spending the night here for i will be driving on the great ocean road in the morning with the parents. good daughter i am, i know. and shameless at that too. heh. and and im driving them in my lovely uncle’s merc! the siblings are so envious of me now, i know. allow me to gloat a little k. =)

but i have been pretty tired too. and i refuse to look at the calendar anymore because all i can see right now is the freaking 28th starring back at me. i’ve made the first step to sell off my cupboard and did some re shuffling of the clothes. i do not want to go there becuase i do not want to go back. =(

my heart will sink and my eyes will water. this hope i feel to come back, shall not falter. but the years ive spent, all nights in winter. i will keep it close, to keep warm forever.

for you’ve changed me, showed me through some pain and torture. living alone, with my friends, i’ll continue to wonder. is this it? is this how its gonna be? can i go back? or issit all over? i cant help it, i’m just expressing how i feel. because for tonight, i’m all alone, just keeping it real.

and these words, just fall seamlessly into place.